Trying to think a whole new way with a child with ASD is very challenging. I’ve backed off on verbal cues and tried more visual cues. It’s challenging, b/c my natural instinct is to verbalize right away. Then to switch back and forth between my 3 year old with ASD and then my 1 ½ year old who takes verbal cues. DH and I are coming up with some flash cards for transitions before our big trip in August. I’m hoping this will create less tension and melt downs. So far the visual cues are about 50% effective as he gets used to them, I think. But the melt downs have noticeably decline. Still there, but not as many. Interesting trying to figure out what is ASD behavior and what is defiance of a normal 3 year old. Lots of prayer for discernment and wisdom.
I’m not sure if I mentioned this before, but I asked my psychiatrist the last meeting if my lack of interest in intimacy with dh had to do with how run down I was (the anxiety the medication is treating-Buspar). More than likely yes was there answer. Obviously you can’t just say a factual yes, b/c it’s a subjective observation. What I have, also, noticed is my headaches and migraines have decreased as well. I’m looking back at my life and I wonder if my “anxiety” sent the wrong messages to people and thus they weren’t as inclined to befriend me or reach out. Lately, I’ve had a number of people reach out to me and just love on me.
It makes me sad to think and realize this. I had no idea the anxiety was ruling my life by biological default of the course of life. I never had a chance to recover. It was one thing after another since my childhood. Just surviving and your body can only take so much. And…no wonder I was so run down. When I filled out a time line of my life…I filled out 4 pages of major life events with no problem at all and wept through the reliving of memories. I’m still not done with the list; I just haven’t been able to revisit it yet in processing my oldest ASD.
Next week at the age of 36 I get braces, aren’t you jealous? It’s in preparation of a jaw surgery due to how my teeth are hitting. My back molars are almost ground down to the nerve due to it. The surgery takes place 9-12 months after the braces are on. Surgery happens and then another year of braces to keep things in place. I’m sure eating will be a whole new thing and sandwiches much easier to handle 😉 The consults for this whole process were numerous, but the last one was the most traumatizing and I laugh at it now. It was the meeting with the Oral Surgeon—showing me the skull and what they would be doing. All I could think of was That’s my face! My Face! This week they put on the separators between my back molars my teeth ache to even eat a banana. This is not going to be fun. 😛
One thing I’ve come to in my walk with God is I’m done being entitled to a “good life.” Not that I want a horrid one, but the idea I’m entitled to the “normal” everyone wants. That just b/c you were a virgin before marriage doesn’t automatically grant you a euphoric marriage. That just b/c I am a Christian doesn’t automatically get me normal children. That just b/c I’ve served God faithfully does not mean I will be rewarded in the way I deem fit. Nor does it mean my life will be absent of pain.
God has called me deeper.
God has called me higher.
God disciplines the one He loves.
tessagroves 