It’s been nearly a month since I gave birth to my 2nd son. Typical to prognosis, I have the spouting PPD that shows up at random times as hormones complete their transition back into a normal body. The conversation with a friend was pleasant enough until a few minutes after the discussion ended. My mind reeling of speaking of my delivery and birth experience to realize that I had not thought of my deceased mother once. The first pregnancy and birth I mourned her absence quite frequently and figured it would strike me again when I was pregnant again. However, this time I didn’t even think of her until weeks after my newest little man was born.
I was horrified at myself.
My confused husband wondering why I was upset that I hadn’t been upset that my mother couldn’t be a part of this important moment. He lovingly said I was healing and that was a positive sign, but I wouldn’t have any of it. I had forgotten her and it felt like I had betrayed her memory.
Dramatic response, perhaps.
However, I was struck by another thought that made me want to repent all previous Christmases I had rushed through. I wonder if all this business, expectations of the holidays, plays, parties, presents, decorations, etc… take away our attention so much that Christ gets hurt that we don’t remember the whole reason we are celebrating the season. One could call it a projection of my feelings, but why doesn’t it offend me as much that I fly through this religious ritual with all my to-do’s that Christ gets added in there somewhere quite minutely(or some kind of afterthought).
It would be quite ridiculous to go through all this trouble to celebrate someone’s birthday and get so wrapped up in the extra’s that we never stop to pay attention to the honored guest we are celebrating.
I wonder to myself, what would Christmas look like if I put HIM first instead of what is expected this season?
For You do not desire sacrifice, or else I would give it;
You do not delight in burnt offering.
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit,
A broken and a contrite heart—
These, O God, You will not despise.
Psalm 51:16-17 (NKJV)
tessagroves 